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Sunday, August 30, 2009

Vanity

She wore the green of a soft spring, its fabric sheer - translucent against the pink of her youthful skin. Her lines were soft and kind from leg to shoulder, with large breasts heavy on her small frame.

Gently lifting her red hair, she turned and examined her profile in the reflection of the vanity mirror. A line of large bulbs ran atop its silver marquee, casting a sharp glow from all but one broken globe.

She turned to one side, than the other, judging her legs and the lines of her garments. Her trembling fingertips ran across her stomach, down her legs, back up, and in between them.

Clenching her hands, she closed her eyes and reached for the short brass doorknob.

As the door gently opened, a gentleman's hand could be seen amidst a pile of white sheets. Her bare feet moving slowly against the soft tan carpet. Catching the switch with her finger, a flash from her silver necklace filled the room just before the darkness...

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Seek A Little, Hill

1

The night fell into a calm winter silence as the last train left the station. Snow had begun to collect upon the wooden rails and large illuminated clock, which hung in between two dilapidated billboards. His breath hanging heavy in the air, puffing like a locomotive, as he looked up and saw the fleeting taillights turn the corner and vanish south.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Without glancing at the clock he knew it was just past twelve. The final train had run leaving him all but two options to get home, cab or apologize. Had he not pissed his last five bucks away on pints he could have avoided the latter by hailing the former. Loose change clinked against a metal lighter in his pocket as he began to retrace his steps on the platform.

His frozen fingertips fumbled in his coat pocket, eventually retrieving a crushed soft pack of cigarettes. Tapping the open end, Hill pulled the filtered smoke from the package with his dry cracked lips.

“Christ it’s cold.” He muttered under his breath as he held the thin cotton jacket in place with one hand while fishing for the lighter with the other. Hill rounded the corner towards the exit sign, flicking the flint wheel of the lighter with his thumb. The small flame illuminated the damp stairwell with spectrums of light from broken bottles, followed shortly by the orange ember of a long drag.

The turnstile gate put him standing in a small paved lot beneath the elevated tracks next to the Davis Station newsstand. The stand had closed a couple hours ago, the locks already frozen and covered with a thin layer of ice. Blowing into his hand, he placed the cigarette into an abandoned coffee cup and began following the tracks north towards Truman Avenue. Enclosed on either side by buildings, the tracks meandered above forming a latticed roof to a wide alley. Snow and light fell between the wooden sleepers every few feet, the shadows on the ground mimicking the patterns of the rails above.

Although Davis was not a bad part of town, Hill quickened his pace and kept his head on a swivel. “An alley is still an alley, even on the north side,” he told himself as he rounded a concrete planter littered with fast food trash and other unsalvageable items striped in snow. A stuffed teddy bear lay half buried in the planters hard soil, its fur matted and face partially burned and melted near its nose.

He stopped for a moment to stare at the toy.

“Not even a blind kid would play with you, huh?” He said softly as he touched the bear’s charred fur, leaving a bit of black ash on his fingertips.

Rubbing the ash on his jeans, Hill turned and walked out from under the tracks into a flickering yellow spotlight on Truman Avenue. Without the protection of a building, the cold cut right through the thin jacket. Instinctively, Hill put his back to the wind and walked himself into the recessed storefront of an old video rental shop. Its dirty window displays cluttered with foreign and adult faded movie posters, most of which he had never seen. Looking out into the street he contemplated the long walk home; it was at least two miles back towards the lake. Her apartment was only a couple of blocks away.

The circling yellow bulbs from a nearby diner sign lit up the whites of his eyes like road hazards, off and on, interrupting his daze and forcing a long blink. The sign read Evelyn’s 24/7 in large black cursive letters beneath a silhouette of a woman with a pin-up face and an alluring smirk. Crossing his arms, Hill emerged from the shadowed cache back into the wind towards the softly lit diner across the street.

Obscure golden glass lined the wood paneled doors at Evelyn’s, staining the sidewalk in a tinge of disco yellow closely matching that of the sign above. A tacky looking joint from the outside, but it was warm and still open. Hill walked in, quietly stomped the wetness from his shoes, and slid into a nearby booth towards the back window...

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Abandoned

sharp tooth shipwrecked birds
living alone, carrying words on their backs
repenting for attention on the winds of the sea
carry on, carry me

all that was said, burning in lakes
woeful mistakes washing ashore
ashes to land - they fill up your hands

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Guest Bedroom

She sat upsettingly in a slim chair with a finger wrapped around a cool mug handle. Surrounded by sparse furniture basked in yellow light from an old chain lamp, the room felt vast and lonely. The room had been used during his brief stay, an unmade bed and several open drawers; the only lasting evidence that anybody had been present. All else remained untouched in its antiquated state.

Mechanically raising the mug to her lips and then placing it back on the side table, each time stamping a wet ring only slightly off center from its original. The ceramic tapping in rhythm against the rich wood, its trivial echo fleeted into the narrow guest hallway.

She uncrossed her legs, revealing a small grass stain at the hem of her skirt. A quick, yet effortless rub of the fabric between her forefinger and thumb yielded only a slightly larger marking. Her pale legs exposed as she began to smooth the garment instinctively, as if to hide the stain again, its brief distraction unwelcome. Only wanting to relive the episode again in silence, she pulled the chain of the pewter lamp and painted the room with a blue-grey hue from the night sky.

The decision had been made instinctively for this life was all she knew. She would stay and he would not return for her, its finality still fresh and stinging like a deep paper cut. A summer affair without recourse had been the intention, you see, nobody gets hurt that way. His words meant nothing, his touch even less, until they no longer found her waist or ears in the safety of the guest bedroom. The rooms scant furnishings removing any cache for his presence to remain behind for her comfort. She was now alone in her contention, pulling the blanket from his bed to cover her knees.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

A Saturday With Sam

Once again I am working the weekend alone, left only with the nagging thoughts of moving on and the silence of a large commercial space. Not exactly sure what it is in me that creates the desire to continually demolish my surroundings and rebuild them as if I were a seasonal bird. One tired of searching and reaching for a purposeful fulfillment in life that may never arrive. Plainly, I am neither lazy nor unmotivated, in fact, I believe myself to be quite passionate about things. Unfortunately, these passions never really translate into an actual occupation in which I find enjoyment.

Am I bored because I have woken up alone for so long, do I loathe technology? It certainly does not interest me outside the realm of personal use or gadgetry. Do I put too much stock in women or the never-ending pursuit for ideal love? Am I frustrated because I have found love and it is (or has been) unwanted? No clue; so I am back here again with questions. Namely, why does one perpetuate a stagnating passionless life without making the necessary changes, which may result in potential abounding happiness?

Routine, security, fear, obligations, boredom? All legitimate reasons for some, not I.

I want more, there has to be more! Or at least a residual muddy puddle from which I can drink more than you. Being content is a valueless option, one for everybody else, not the restless and venerable Samuel Welch. Of course, this is my inner-dialogue and I am sure you are thinking to yourself “Well, I am happy, this guy is just a miserable shit bag. Who is he to tell me I am not content?” You are mistaken; I am not unhappy or miserable, just curious, curious to find the thin edge of the crust.

“Take me teetering on the balls of my feet to where your beginning ends and my resolution is born, for it is there you shall find me grinning.” I say with false bravado.

So I leap and you stare at my footprints. I no longer want to help you and take your requests, the back of my jacket flailing against the hard cool wind as I fall forward. “Give me the beauty and marrow of life and keep the monotony for yourself!” I exclaim as my cheeks stretch to form the meridian between my ears. I question if you have leapt after me, but I cannot move my head to check, the parallel horizon expansive in my view. I like to think you have and can close our gap with the tilt of your body. Perhaps you even shouted, “Fare thee well, great heart!” before I left and it did not sound cheap coming from your lips. These thoughts fill my gut and lead me to believe that you and I are equals; my question does not apply to you.

The phone is ringing, but I am alone and flying. Nobody is around to see me quickly lift the receiver and place it back down; Sam is currently indisposed. I do not want your message; can’t you see my arms are spread? I squint hard in attempts to stay in my free fall but the moment has passed and I come tumbling back to work. I look up with a feeling that somebody is watching me, but nobody is there. The office has grown dark and the light from my monitor reflects off the large glass panel windows surrounding me. I refocus and stare blankly at my reflection, muttering inaudibly “God, this sucks.”

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Love?

“You’re a real fuck up, you know that?” trailed from her waxy lips as she walked towards the door. I did know, but it wasn’t my fault; it was never my fault.

So I sat there, staring at nothing, dejected and annoyed with myself. Sitting so long my legs fell asleep from the chair and I began to imagine life without them. Pity me for I have no legs! Pile my excuses and failures on my crippled frame, say, how about a dollar? It is acceptable to drink when you are down and out, when you have no legs. Just a dollar, I mean three, I can get the cheap shit for three dollars, promise.

My eyes dry and fixated, finally blinking at the clink of melting ice jostling in a glass on my desk. I want to call and apologize, I want to tell her I love her, but I am too tired to care. Her unfinished cigarette by the cracked window, tentacles of white being pulled out into the humid air, living momentarily. She is already home and hating me, my touch was a mistake. Her face burning in fury, she looked absolutely beautiful.